he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
