I wish you could order shots online.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
