yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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