watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The power of my boobs compel you
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Dear god my vagina.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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