And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
