It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
