she looked like the before picture.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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