So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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