The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
