i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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