She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
