i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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