the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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