i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
