Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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