I feel like I'm in dance class right now
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
