im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
he shaved USA in his pubs
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Randomize
