She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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