I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
