i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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