You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
