One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
should my penis look like a turkey
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
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