So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
