That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Randomize
