I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
