Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
