It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
