shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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