Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
