I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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