hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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