Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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