I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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