This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
