Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
we're so committed to being not committed
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
