just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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