I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
Randomize
