Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Randomize
