What did we do last night that was yellow?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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