He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Randomize
