I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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