What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
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