Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
