Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
Randomize