My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
