Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
