easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize