I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
