wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
