I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
