question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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