...so i touched it.
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
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Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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