Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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