so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
