Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Randomize
