I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
Randomize
