My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
What drink are we having for lunch?
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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