imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Of course the sales lady was judging you, you bought a pregnancy test, ky jelly, diet pills and a 6 pack of red bull. Even i'm judging you.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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