"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
