I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
