i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
