I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
What did we do last night that was yellow?
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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