i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
Fine. I'll sleep in my office
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
Randomize
