This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Randomize
