did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Come on in and take your pants off
Randomize
