Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
