i just wanna soil my oats bro
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
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