Do you still have your period?
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
