There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
